What is Authentic Masculinity? 

As I suggested in my last post, I think there’s a balance to be struck between what the world expects or requires of you and what you are underneath. This means that one considers what the world expects or needs while not conforming exclusively to it. In other words, I do not force my square peg into a round hole, but I allow society to help me file down my rough edges. 

Personality traits differ from person to person, of course. These traits, we’re discovering, are impacted by genetics and the environment – nature and nurture – especially early life nurture. 

Therefore, personality is really a product of adaptation. 

Moreover, these traits tend to differ between the sexes. Keyword here: tend. 

There are men with more classically “feminine” personalities and women with more masculine personalities. There’s nothing wrong with them; it’s simply their temperament. Moreover, all of the personality traits are important and have utility. Furthermore, just because we have the disposition of a personality, doesn’t mean we only ever act in the vein of that disposition. Introverts have to learn to extrovert if they are to mature and find greater success in life. Extroverts likewise when it comes to introverted traits.

Discover more about personality with this series here. 

Thus, it’s important not to over qualify particular traits as masculine or feminine, nor to note any of them as “better” or “worse”. It’s not morally right to have any particular kind of personality. What’s morally right, if anything, is achieving balance and usefulness in your personality to best serve humanity and yourself. That means utilizing your strengths and compensating as appropriate for weaknesses. 

Men with a masculine temperament are no better than men with a more feminine disposition. They merely have different strengths and weaknesses, and will find themselves fitting different roles in society. 

That said, we come to a key question: What about when society expects men and women to be a certain way? Is there utility or morality to this? And what do we make of the biological tendencies and differences of the sexes? 

To Conform or Not To Conform?

We have two options, as far as I can tell. 1) Deny society’s right to expect particular things from someone based on their sex or gender; Or, 2) Accept society’s expectations to some degree, challenging or non-conforming where appropriate. 

Other options seem problematic and immoral given the aforementioned fact that personality traits are bestowed upon us in large part by genetics. It would be silly to expect men or women to fit exclusively into stereotypical boxes. Even physically speaking, not all men should be expected to be elite warriors. Still, we might expect something physical from them, or that at least they try to be physically competent.

If I may, I think the first option fails. We are social creatures, and for good reason. While society can be wrong, it is folly to outright deny our fellow humans some say in how we act or behave. They don’t get to decide it for us, but we ought not be so proud to ignore social expectations outright. 

Option 2, then, is a more humble and useful route. 

Allow societal input, without being a total, blind conformist. 

Humble Freedom: Balancing Collectivism and Individualism

We’ll call it freedom, but a freedom that holds respect for our biology and history where appropriate. That, I think, is the path forward in authentic masculinity and femininity. You be you, and allow your temperament to manifest in the world. But also consider developing your sex-linked side and fulfilling at least some of the more traditional side of things. 

So what about this gray area where freedom lies, then? What if the desires of your heart go against tradition, or at least against the current grain of culture in which you find yourself? 

Well, if masculinity is in part biology and archetype, the “authentic” part of authentic masculinity has to come from within. Maybe your culture says men don’t read poetry, enjoy rom-coms, and should drink beer. Yet none of these suit you. 

Recognize first that these are subjective, cultural views of masculinity. Respect them; perhaps they have an underlying utility or purpose. 

But if they aren’t you, they simply don’t need to be. 

On the other hand, take the deeper, perhaps biologically-based ideas of masculinity – strength, assertiveness, resilience – and integrate them with who you are, from interests to personality to whatever else. 

There’s a difference between a man who loves poetry silently and ashamedly and a man who simply does not care whether or not you appreciate his love for poetry. Furthermore, there’s a difference between a man whose first love is reading but who still heeds the call to ready himself physically or mentally to protect those he loves, and a man who reads and never trains.

Be you, brother. But be a man, be strong, be courageous, and step up. We need you.