While mental health is so mainstream these days, there’s a lot we still don’t know about the state of our ever-changing emotional landscape. One of those areas is about how men and women differ in their health. Yes, we’re learning a lot, but there are still plenty of unknowns and misconceptions out there.
Here are 3 ways many misunderstand the mental health struggle in our day.
Misunderstanding #1: Men Struggle Less Than Women With Mental Health
This is a half-truth, and there are important mechanisms at play here that are helpful to know.
The first is that testosterone is generally a happy hormone. It increases with victories, and plays a role in making us feel confident. The conversation here is a complicated one, but that’s the gist. Given that males tend to have higher levels of testosterone, it’s not that surprising that they may have a better overall mood than women.
A second important observation is that women tend to be higher in trait negative emotion. The change in the sexes appears to start around puberty, which is interesting (and likely functional!), but regardless of the when or the why, this trait negative emotion (known as Neuroticism in the scientific literature) inclines one to greater mental health risk. Thus, men are at slightly less risk as a general population, even though plenty of men have higher base Neuroticism and even low Neuroticism men can experience psychoses.
Despite these facts, it’s worth noting that men have a higher suicide rate than women – in fact, it’s about 3-4 times higher. Most agree that the main reason for this is that men use more lethal methods than women. In fact, this is where testosterone might have a negative impact on the mental health or mortality risk of men. If your T is higher but you do find yourself in a rough spot, you’re going to feel more willing to take a big risk with a gun instead of pills – far more likely to end your life.
Another reason why “men struggle less” may only be a half-truth?
We may not have a clear picture of men’s mental health.
A lot of data we have comes from self-report. And since men are more likely to experience something like depression with feelings of anger instead of sadness, which is the emotion typically associated with depression, we may just not have accurate data. That, and it may be that some men are either in denial about the status of their mental health, or just straight up deny it when asked.
So while there appears to be good reason to believe that, in fact, men struggle less than women with mental health concerns, it may be that this is not the case. Or, it may be that when men struggle, they struggle differently.
Misunderstanding #2: It’s Weak to Go to Therapy or Otherwise Find Help for Mental or Emotional Struggles.
I want to be fair to this idea.
On one hand, I understand the desire for independence. We all want to feel competent, and to some degree that means accomplishing something without someone else doing it for us.
At risk of stating the obvious, most situations require some sort of aid. Even if you had to look something up on Google today, that’s receiving help from someone. Someone had to put that info there, and someone developed the phone, the software, etc. to help you get that information.
Mental and emotional health is no different, and honestly, if your quality of life is diminished significantly enough, you aren’t doing yourself or the people in your life any favours by putting off treatment. At that point, it’s probably just some sort of pride holding you back.
It isn’t weak to get treatment, and it might be weaker not to. I understand not wanting to be a victim. You aren’t; seek help, get better, and move forward.
Misunderstanding #3: People Will Judge Me
Honestly, this is one of those things that we all think will happen but is in fact quite unlikely. Especially nowadays, most folks respect that mental health issues are quite common and that getting help is healthy.
That said, there’s a deeper lie here: that being judged is a bad thing – and that it’s something to be avoided.
Anytime we do something meaningful or new or risky, there’s a possibility of being judged. In fact, it’s more inevitability than it is a possibility. Humans judge. Period. What determines the strength and quality of an individual is their will to act according to their values despite the judgment that may come.
The truth: Standing up to judgment is true strength. Doing what you have to do, even when others may look down on you for it, is true strength.
I’ll finish by saying that you might not need therapy. It may help, particularly if you find someone who’s a good fit for you. But don’t feel you need to force it.
Maybe you just need to see your friends more. Exercise always helps.
If you’re struggling but want to try other things before therapy, check out some of my mental health content below:
A Holistic Quick Start Guide for Dealing With Depression
Neuroticism: How To Deal With Negative Emotion
