Because they’ve been so relevant to me in recent years, I’ve been fascinated by psychology and romance. I’ve tended to read Christian experts since I have particular convictions surrounding romance in particular.

Facetious though the book’s title is, Smith has some really great stuff to say here. Being a clinical psychologist who’s counselled many men and women through dating, marriage, and divorce, he offers a seasoned but down-to-earth perspective on how to find a good woman. He holds a high view of marriage and understands the power of a good one. He argues that for every example of a bad marriage put forth as a reason not to get married, there are scores of successful marriages that are making society (and the couple themselves) better. I appreciated his input and his putting to rest some of the myths of marriage, though that’s not his main point in the book.

Masculinity: Toxic, or what women want?

First and foremost, this book is for men. It’s for men serious about finding a good mate. Smith talks like a man to men, and I appreciate his tone. No nonsense, to the point, balanced, and very honest. His experience and academic insight dispel not only marriage myths but myths about masculinity also. Here’s one to take home: women like men who, well, act like men. While some people in our society today think masculinity is toxic, Smith encourages us that most women think the opposite. Those are the women you should be going for. I couldn’t agree more.

The book is structured logically, moving from figuring yourself out (this will help you filter out incompatible women), figuring out the key things to look for (looking for the right women) and caps with an extended look at major risk management.

Even coming from a Christian perspective, I can get on board with a lot of Shawn Smith’s well-reasoned and academically backed views. Some of his advice around divorce – while I have zero intention of ever considering it – can be taken and appreciated. After all, even Christian marriages aren’t free from the risks of divorce. Furthermore, he even makes a case for waiting for sex (while he doesn’t think you should wait for marriage).

However, I do have a problem with some of the things Shawn says, though I wouldn’t put him down for saying it. Coming from a secular perspective, of course he’s going to suggest certain things, or take certain stances on divorce or sexuality. But for me, there’s a certain heart missing here in the discussion around marriage. It’s not sacred, so it lacks a certain beauty.

I’m encouraged and better equipped for the dating and courtship process thanks to Shawn Smith’s work. I’m very grateful for it. But I’m even more thankful that God is behind marriage and gives it to us as something sacred and beautiful. I’m also thankful I’ll have his help as I make decisions, search for a wife, and ultimately work hard at the commitment I will make. I’m thankful it’s about a whole lot more than risk management.

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