Rejection sucks.
It happens for different reasons. I just wasn’t feeling it. I don’t feel the same way. I think we’re just really different people.
Sometimes it feels like it’s based on a lie. But they don’t know me! They haven’t seen the real me. They didn’t even give it a chance.
Yet, in my experience, it’s almost always for the better. Here are a few encouraging considerations.
You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
All of the above might be true. But the fact is, we simply have to accept rejection. Why?
Because it’s not our decision. It’s theirs. And they need to be free to make it.
But let’s be honest, do you really want to be in a relationship where you had to convince the other person to be in it? Or would you rather they, of their own volition and desire, long to be with you as you long to be with them?
Whatever the reason, you have to accept that they don’t want it and that you can’t change their mind. Accepting this and knowing that you don’t want a one-sided relationship makes it much easier to get over rejection, in my experience.
Attraction can be very subjective (and not worth worrying about)
Attraction can be a weird thing. We don’t understand it completely.
Even the supposed “universal” things can vary person to person. Same goes for things like chemistry or lifestyle preferences.
Apparently women might reject you if you remind them of their brother.
Welp.
The point is, don’t take such rejections too seriously. They are in all likelihood not your fault and not to do with your character (but if they are, then this is a growth opportunity!). And they are definitely nothing to do with your value as a human being.
Reframe the situation: are they what you want?
Sometimes we’re upset at rejection not because we liked them but because they didn’t want us. Inevitably, we ask “does this mean I’m not good enough?”
Wrong question.
Instead, ask “are they what I want?” Only you can know the answer to this one, and it’s a much more self-respecting question provided it’s not done in derision of the other person.
Looking back, I wonder if there were innumerable disappointments waiting for me on the other side of a “yes”. Perhaps a “no” means I’ve dodged many a bullet before they were fired. No doubt this may have been the case for you.
Smile and move on, friend.
ah, refreshing. you touched on all the points someone would be thinking through. I find the first point to be the most helpful one for me. I able to really step back when i realize that i can’t force them to like me if they do not want it. who wants a half-ass relationship?? keep it up, brother :)