Deconversions! Deconversions everywhere.

From Rhett & Link to everyone and their mother. Maybe it’s negativity bias, or maybe it’s the stage of life I’m in, but it seems to be happening all over. 

I’m going through some of my own faith stuff recently, so I understand a bit of what’s going on for these people. I feel them, honestly. It’s just hard to believe sometimes. 

But (I’m really good at this), I also see some problems.

I think there are good and bad ways to “deconstruct” or to re-assess one’s self, worldview, and/or religious beliefs. Honest, helpful deconstruction doesn’t have to toss out the baby with the bathwater nor act so hastily, especially in emotional whirlwinds (which worldview deconstructions can be in themselves). 

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to invalidate the deconversion experiences of anyone, though I might suggest that some have gone through invalid or illogical deconversions. What I am trying to do is to encourage a serious and transparent process that is cautious and rational. Hopefully, you’ll see why!

Be honest and willing to be wrong

As a Christian, I understand how sensitive a doubt, question or criticism concerning your worldview can feel. The stakes are high, after all. All my time and emotional investment in a particular idea or reality and lifestyle – all wasted, perhaps, if it proves untrue. 

But while our knee-jerk reaction can be one of defensiveness, a better reaction is an honest and slow process of answering the question or doubt, regardless of possible outcomes. 

Actually, this sort of honesty is required of any good proselytizing. If you, regardless of your worldview position, are unwilling to even honestly take on the questions that a non-believer brings, why should you expect them to honestly consider your position? This sort of intellectual arrogance is a big turn-off, and rightfully so. 

If you want a theological reason for this, consider that God, if he is real, can take our questions and doubts, so long as they are addressed honestly and sincerely. Some people don’t want an honest answer; they just want their bias confirmed, for or against. I don’t think God, who surely cares about truth as well as honesty, has interest in such agendas. But if he is there, surely in one way or another he will prove true and an answer may be found. 

So be willing and open to the criticism – and feel free to criticize whatever objections your own heart may have, as well.

Be cautious, patient, deliberate

In my own experience, times of uncertainty are usually emotional ones. Difficult times impact us and tempt us to challenge our foundations, whatever they are. 

Such a response is an emotional one and, while understandable, is probably not going to result in the outcome we truly desire. It may prove deadly. You wouldn’t advise a friend to make a rash decision in an emotional time, would you? So why make major changes or decisions yourself? 

If in times of chaos I let my questions or doubts direct my thinking, anxiety and a stress-reaction is inevitable. The outcome, likely, not the one we would hope for with a sound mind, even if the faith position ends up a false one. 

So in a nutshell, don’t make emotional or quick “deconstructions” or really any conclusions about our world. If you can’t be cautious, patient, thoughtful, deliberate… don’t even deconstruct. It’s just not the time.

Wait until the waters still, and then let the rational mind do its work. Ask those big questions, the existential ones, when your more immediate practical ones are dealt with. No food? No friends? No job? Maybe you should figure those ones out before you let the questions dictate your belief or trust in God or his goodness.

Confirmation bias is not your friend when your life isn’t in a good place. 

Be open to mystery

Sometimes faith might mean not having all the answers. 

It’s a line from a song somewhere, and it’s true. And here’s the thing: it’s true for atheists and agnostics as well as any religious believer.

Our world is full of mystery and uncertainty. To live as if we can know everything is to find oneself an ironic fool. Science itself would admit that we are simply trying to find the best explanations, and the discovery of truth is a process; sometimes a long and backwards one. 

If you desire what some call “Cartesian” (absolute) certainty, then you will probably live an anxiety-ridden life. There are few things, if any, we can be that certain about. It’s no way to live. 

There are good reasons to believe certain things. I’m a Christian because I believe that Christianity has some good rationale behind it, and because honestly a big part of me senses that it’s true. That’s how most beliefs work. Even agnostics can’t know for certain that you can’t certainly know something… yet they are certain enough to undertake the label!

Just because you have some questions (maybe significant ones) about your beliefs, doesn’t mean they aren’t true or should be bailed on right away. In fact, no matter what you believe, there will always be mysteries.

Get used to it!

Don’t hastily release the tried and tested

There are many ways people don’t understand the idea of “faith.” One of them: they think faith is believing in spite of reason

This couldn’t be further from the truth. We all have faith in many things, and usually with good reason. The catch is, many reasons can’t be explained, at least not at first. 

But if you do an honest assessment of the things you trust (or the people you trust), you would see that, well, actually, you have many a good reason to trust them. Perhaps they’ve just always been there for you, whether you thought about it or not. 

I’ve heard many a deconversion story that went something like this: “I believed for a long time because I grew up with it/it was what my parents believed. But then one day I couldn’t answer a few questions that a friend had, and I realized it was all nonsense!” 

It’s fair that many Christians haven’t thought about what they believe. When you first encounter what seems like a decent objection, it can be unnerving. However, just because you don’t have an answer in your limited brain space, what makes you think it’s time to toss away your belief, or more, condemn it as if it was ridiculous?

But if a faith position has held valuable and true for you (and perhaps for many before you or around you) perhaps that means you shouldn’t be hasty to bail as soon as a provocative question comes your way. What it might mean is that you should do some digging and “deconstruct” in a more constructive way. 

After all, it may not be your religious (or otherwise) beliefs that are wrong – it’s possible the objections are misguided or answerable! The unreasonable thing to do, therefore, is to jump ship so quickly. 

Take an honest look at your psychology

As we discussed above, some of the worst decisions are made spontaneously and impulsively in a moment of chaos (including most crimes, apparently). 

Hard seasons make us question whether or not there is a God, or even whether or not life is worth living. 

It may also be true that we had expectations of faith, God, or whatever. I’ve recently had some of those expectations result in disappointment, and it’s easy to want to bail entirely. 

But what if the problem was my expectations and not the object itself? What if God is not exactly how I imagined him, or what if his plans for my life don’t line up with my dreams? What if his plans are better? 

This is an important element of honesty: to assess your expectations and whether or not they are realistic or perhaps just selfish.

But disappointment does not falsify, friends. I say this in a time of great disappointment with God and life. 

All this to say: our decisions are never entirely rational. We should watch our minds and hearts and be careful, once again, of making a hasty decision that could indeed be completely irrational.

Tempted as I may be to bail because of disappointment or unmet expectations, it may prove to be a very poor decision. Instead, deal with the disappointment so that your deconstruction can be constructive. 

I know many people come to God (or whatever or whoever) in search of significance. They perhaps don’t find it the way they’d hoped. Others, like Rhett & Link, perhaps find such significance in worldly success that they’ve given up something that was more “disappointing” to them. Fair enough.

Weather the storm

In a dark season where questions have me pondering the reality of my worldview, I also notice that other factors are affecting my clarity of both heart and mind. As a result, I’m choosing not to make any major decisions just yet. I’m not going to bail on my Christian worldview that has held so true and so life-enriching for so long at the first sign of trouble. Nor will I quit my job, change cities, or the like. 

Wherever you’re at friends, weather the storms of life and, dare I say, don’t overthink the existential to the point of chaos and deep-seeded anxiety. Hold on tight, hang in there, and I’ll see you on the other side.