Negative emotion (i.e. neuroticism) is manageable and, potentially, a powerful aid in life.
People higher in neuroticism have more active fight and flight systems; they are more sensitive to stimulation and threat.
[It looks like there’s overlap between neuroticism and what the scientific community is calling “sensitivity.”]
As I’ve been pointing out, all of the five-factor model traits are adaptive. Neuroticism seems to prepare you for environments where you need to be a little more on edge. Sometimes, it pays to more acutely notice and respond to danger.
Useful though it is, neuroticism is associated with a lot of, well, negative things. It’s highly associated with your classic mental health concerns: anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder. It’s also associated with mortality since it can incline someone to stress. Stress wears down the body, and tends to make it die faster.
Neurotic folks can have a higher than normal negativity bias. If unregulated, they can be the party poopers; the ones who make a mountain out of a molehill. They may have more mood swings than the average person, and as a result, you might get caught in the crossfire of one of their tantrums or their last-minute freakout-and-bail anxiety attacks.
Higher neuroticism is associated with anxiety, depression and other psychoses. This means that if you’re high in the trait, you may need to take extra precautions in buffering against these tendencies.
Managing neuroticism
So that’s not a great prognosis. That’s not to say neuroticism doesn’t have its upsides, but that’s not the point of this post. The point here is to help you deal with your more sensitive disposition.
Here are some helpful practices to help buffer your sensitivities.
First, accept your disposition.
A good counsellor will give you a reality check when you need one. Mine once suggested that I might naturally have a more anxious temperament. It might never go away, but I can learn to control and manage it.
It wasn’t easy to hear, but in a twist of irony, it actually relaxed me to be faced with reality.
Acceptance is a beautiful thing, especially if it can be coupled with some positive or redemptive outlook.
There’s really no way forward if you can’t accept the current reality of your temperament. Once you accept it, you can learn to work with it and transform it.
Learn to talk yourself down.
Ideally, your parents help you regulate your emotions when you’re young, such that you can do it yourself when you’re older.
Whatever your history, I recommend learning cognitive behavioural techniques to self-regulate.
If you struggle to regulate, it’s possible that you developed underlying beliefs that reinforce your negative thinking, leading to rumination and a mental health death spiral. If you can learn to talk yourself out of such spirals, life will be a lot easier.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has been incredibly helpful for me. I was always pretty regulated, but after a particularly hard depressive season, I became stuck in a valley and needed to separate myself from my thoughts which had taken control of me. Even now, there are times when I’m tempted to slide back down into the darkness; CBT helps me regulate before I spiral out.
Invest in intimate relationships with people who are caring and understanding (but not enabling) of your negative disposition.
Some people are just more understanding or tolerable of negativity, even though no one should have to deal with too much (which is why you need to control it). You might not do well around people who don’t understand or those who lack the patience to work with you when you’re in a rough season.
That said, for the sake of these wonderful people, you need to take responsibility for your negativity and put it under control. Again, negative emotion serves its purpose. But it also does a lot of damage left unchecked. W. Thomas Boyce noticed in studies of monkeys that those higher in negative emotion weren’t only ones killed by their own higher disease rates; they were also murdered by their fellow herdsmen at higher rates, probably because they were always pooping on the party. (Or, y’know, they would freak out and cause violence… something, thankfully, less common in humans perhaps).
Figure out your needs, then meet them.
I recommend you learn about your temperament and personal needs so that you can learn to meet those needs and thus buffer your negative emotion.
For me, personality tests like the Big Five (but also the Enneagram or Myers-Briggs) helped me know myself so I could care for myself.
I recommend taking a Big Five test and going trait by trait. Figure out: what’s my disposition, and what, therefore, do I need to do to meet my needs?
For example, if you’re particularly extroverted, you need social interaction. If you have a quiet and lonely week, you’re likely going to be frustrated, tired, and on edge more than normal. Don’t let that happen; instead, work to meet those needs and thereby buffer the stress of your life.
Declutter your life.
Clutter causes negative emotion.
It can be physical clutter (a messy room), mental clutter (lack of clarity or organization about what you need to do today, for example), or otherwise.
It’s almost a trope now, but neurotic types especially should clean their room. Clean other rooms if it helps, and bit by bit, make a practice of doing things that facilitate positivity and a satisfying feeling of control of your environment.
Is your computer’s desktop cluttered? Clean it up. Keep it clean.
If nothing else, practicing some organization and discipline can create some stability in your life. Stability counters the instability that neuroticism fosters. That’s the point.
Is your workday stressful at times? Develop habits that help you clarify tasks and schedule, effectively decluttering your mental space as well as your physical space. I really recommend this book if you want help improving your workflow (affiliate link!).
The minimalist life is a wise consideration for neurotic types. Too much of anything, especially things you can’t control, can be unnecessary stressors that you are sensitive to.
Finally, do things that increase positive emotion.
For me, this often means nostalgia; the music, movies or shows that really make me feel the beauty of life and remind me why I want to keep living. Some like gratitude journaling – if that works for you, go for it. The key is balancing that negative emotion with positive emotion.
Other things I do to amp up positive emotion:
- Bro hugs
- Sushi runs
- Old Dragon Ball clips on YouTube
- A quiet evening in, maybe even a weekend
- A game of Dominion or some other low-risk recreation
Where you cultivate positivity (or challenge negative thinking) depends on you. If you find yourself constantly thinking negatively about yourself, your body, etc., maybe you need to develop a positive self talk list.
[This is legit by the way. Trauma therapists will encourage self-talk practices for clients to stabilize and cope.]
Happy vs Meaningful
Honestly, we could go on and on. Consider this just a starter pack to managing your higher trait neuroticism. If you know someone who could benefit from this, consider sharing it with them!
Life isn’t all about removing negativity. But it’s important to pursue positivity. Jordan Peterson says it this way: “You have to pursue a life meaningful enough that you can deal with the tragedy of being.” Life is tragic; it feels all the more so for people with high neuroticism, especially if life doesn’t go their way.
Learn to manage your negative emotion, harnessing it for good, and you’ll be well on your way to experiencing a meaningful life.
Even if it’s not always a happy one.
This post is part of a series. Check out the following as you dig deeper into your personality.
Agreeableness: The Niceness Problem
Conscientiousness: The Perfectionism Problem
Neuroticism: How to Manage Negative Emotion
Extroversion: The Bad Side of Bright Personalities
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