The Queen of Vulnerability recommends reading her book The Gifts of Imperfection first, but I found it lacked the substance to be worth the price of admission.
Don’t get me wrong. There are good principles here, and the occasional helpful concrete actionable item. But overall, Brown just leaves you wanting more.
There’s one interesting point where Brown is told in a story to be “less research-y and just be herself.” Brown is vulnerable in this book, and she should be commended for it. I liked a lot of her stories. But when I’m reading a book from a professor who researches shame and vulnerability… I want to hear more of the research! Get research-y Dr. Brown!
That said, the book is not devoid of research and insight. There are a few interesting points:
Shame must be talked about for it to be dealt with.
Spirituality [properly defined] is absolutely essential for overcoming things like shame and perfectionism.
We need to let go of our need for absolute certainty and replace it with faith.
Yet even in her more insightful moments, Brown’s writing isn’t the most digestible or concise.
Her communication just leaves something to be desired. Ironically, for a shame researcher, I found her using the word “need” a lot. We need to [blank] in order to [blank]. Great, now I feel shameful and anxious because I “need” to do something!
True cliches are still cliches
At times, I felt like I was being lectured and told I needed to do a bunch of things without really getting the context and insight as to why I needed to do them. Moreover, I didn’t feel inspired to do the things she did talk about, nor did I find them particularly memorable. They didn’t stick.
It also felt like Brown was talking more for herself than for readers. I think she failed to take individual differences into account (and why I would love to hear a psychologist’s insight on the subject).
Her stories often didn’t help me understand her points. Through them, she may have grown in vulnerability, but it wasn’t always made clear how I could find the same transformation. Personal stories can be fantastic ways to illustrate your point, but they must connect with your readers.
At times, her personal stories and their teaching points felt cliche; like they needed more development to be of value. Other times, the ideas themselves felt wrong. Her lack of contextualized research didn’t help me trust her.
Verdict: Don’t bother
In the end, Brown produces what feels like a fluffy and watered-down self-help book. I think it would have been better for her to distill this work down into an extended blog post.
Again, there are some good principles, decent insights, and inspiration here. I totally get that vulnerability is important. I just don’t think I needed to read this particular book by Brown to grow in my vulnerability. Perhaps one of her Ted Talks would have sufficed.
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